January
Its been one year almost since we spent our birthdays together, I remember it perfectly from the moment I laid eyes on you, till the moment my eyes were torn from you at the days end. But now all I feel is pain, amplified by every silent word I say in my head reminding me of you, I’m trying to see other people, but its impossible when everyone else is just a shell of a person floating around, just living till the next party or sick sex encounter, I don’t want a shell of a person, no emotions, no sympathy, unable to feel and connect with something real, I want what I can never have. Its funny, with everything you’ve said and everything you’ve done to hurt me and destroy me, and knowing that I could do so much more than you, that I never deserved the way you treated me in the end, I still dont think I’m enough for you, I don’t understand why I deserve to hurt this much, why I cant be happy, but even more, why cant I be happy with you just one last time… maybe for our birthday, but ill be dead…
The Start
Today I decide to mark the day as the the moment when the solar cycle lit up this massive quantity of rock as the day I silently step aside from the path of another in order to not hinder the path of my paramour. Only this path had made me joyous, and strayed aside I receive nothing but bitterness around every bend. but forget not that this permanent, for you are my one true love, I destroyed every part of you that could love me. So this is me, setting free my true love, knowing you were meant for me… And this was all my fault
